Welcome Just!

Keep us updated on your success.

Don't let your bitterness toward your situation with your husband prevent you from getting in shape. Get in shape for yourself first and foremost.

Good morning everyone,

Thank you for the warm welcome !

Yes, this is quite a journey - not only reclaiminng my once fit and attractive body but analyzing my estranged husband's treatment of me as a result of putting on an extraordinary amount of weight - 60 lbs. So far I have lost 15 of it and am very motivated to keep going. Not only for health reasons, and obvious self-esteem benefits but because it is simply something I need to do

I guess I would be more understanding of my husband's position if he had approached the whole issue in a more compassionate and understanding way. His approach has only been very obnoxious and mean-spirited. The nasty looks and very gruff treatment of me when he has brought this up has been very unpleasant.

And while I am certainly not obtuse and realize that you cannot gain a lot of weight and walk around saying "well I am married and take it or leave it" or "well if you loved me you would accept me for how I am". I am fully aware that these are mere copouts said by the overweight person as a demand that their spouse should just be okay with a huge weight gain.

I know I would not be too happy if the shoe were on the other foot and my husband had gotten fat. And again, the problem us heavy-weights must understand is that it is a horse of a different color if the weight gain is beyond one's control and/or from medical reason. Not from personal lack of self-control or will power.

I know in my heart that I will lose every single solitary pound of my weight gain but not for anyone else, but for me.

I only wish my husband had been more loving throughout the process instead of treating me like I have Leprosy.

I don't think I will ever fully manage to rid myself of the memory of his looking at another SLIM woman and when I told him how I felt he said "well, if you weren't heavy I wouldn't have to look" In his mind he was justified !

Good luck to everyone out there !

Warmest Regards

Hi Just1229,

My name is Marion. I'm also new to this board and getting a lot of support from all its members. They are truly an amazing bunch of significant others! It's really eye-opening to read their posts.

I'm glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself and lossing the weight. It really makes a great deal of difference in your life. I know about being treated different, and I gained ~ 30 lbs!!!

I remember about a year ago, at my peak weight, one of my friends pulled me to the side and told me that if I didn't get a hold of my weight my husband would start considering an affair. I felt very offended, not to mention I thought it was a crazy suggestion. After all, we were two self-disciplined adults who could control ourselves, weren't we? Then I realized that I was missing workouts left and right and that I was eating all kinds of fattening foods. I kept telling myself that I had long had a thyroid problem and that was why I was putting on the pounds. I had decided long ago that I wouldn't let any health problem defeat me. But, after the wedding I let my guard down and the scale showed it.

I am 100% sure that some people cannot lose weight due to their health conditions, but in most cases I think they underestimate the power of the human spirit. A great deal of their strength goes untapped. And that is very sad. When I am out running in the mountains, I feel this huge desire to live to my fullest potential and I feel completely confident that I will not let a small gland in my throat rule my life. I won't accept a small life in a huge body!

Please, take good care of yourself. You are in the right track. Find me if you ever need any encouragement!!!

Hi there,

I'm new to this board. I actually found it while I was looking for some sites that my husband is probably on ABOUT me. My husband is older than me but is very healthy and works out quite a bit. I've had two babies in the past 4 years and have TOTALLY used that as an excuse to get fat. I made him feel HORRIBLE for ever saying anything about it and it's just been recently that I realized he has every RIGHT to be concerned and want an attractive (and healthy!) wife again.

So, I finally said: Either I'm going to just decide to BE a fat person or I'm going to do something about it. And, since I'm only 30, I really don't think I should resign myself to being fat. So, I started by giving up soda and fast food and I've already lost 9 pounds; I have 40 to go. Even though I'm a ways from my goal weight and don't really feel like I look a lot different yet, my husband already has started looking at me and responsing to me differently. We were at his parents this past weekend for our daughter's 2nd birthday and he pulled me in to sit on his lap and said, "We haven't been able to this comfortably for awhile!" I think he appreciates the fact that I'm DOING something about it and will continue to appreciate that as the weight sheds.

Anyhow, I'm glad I found this site. I could've jsut stumbled on another "blame your apouse for their 'not accepting attitude' site" and probably would've jsust kept sitting on the couch with my big soda and french fries! People don't like honesty much these days, but I'm glad there's still people willing to do it!
Charity

ceigen, welcome to myfatspouse.com

I'm glad you have taken a "no excuses" approach to your weight loss. Any age IMO is too young to resign yourself to being fat, but 30 years old is certainly too young to give up.

From your description, your husband sounds like he will be supportive in your efforts to lose weight. I'm sure that will go a long way for encouragement, probably more than this board can provide.

Make sure you check back with us regularly and keep us updated on your progress

Hi everyone,

I agree with Chris (and have mentioned on my own), we need to keep hearing updates regarding each person's journey. It makes a difference to us all.

Regarding being kind and supportive of the obese spouse; I have done that from the beginning. I've given all of the love and support I possibly can. However, all I get are excuses, and the eventual: "Remember, you're married to me. You have no right to look at another woman. That behavior is just sick!" No, that behavior is normal. In watching my formally very fit and petite wife go to 300lbs., the pain is unbearable. It becomes quite natural to notice lovely women.

Be assured, I did not mean to upset anyone. This is just the way I feel.

John

John. You are telling the truth. You sure as hell have not offended me. My bride of 5-3 and 125 pounds is now 300 pounds. My wifes attitude is pretty much the same as yours. Looking at another fit woman is normal, especially in out situation. What get me is that my wife has told me that she is happy to have a spouse that is fit. However, the idea that I might want a fit spouse and that what she is saying is hypocritical never seems to occut to her.

Hello there. My name is Bambi. I would just like to say that even though I am among the overweight wives and mothers, I agree with what I've read on here. When you're 5', have 2 short stocky parents, you're bound to have weight issues. I am the only short, fat one out of five kids. My weight wasn't always a problem, though. When I was in highschool, I wore a size 9. I had no stomach and a nice round booty and size C boobs. My sister and stepmother would call me Wilbur whenever I would eat anything, and this made me very depressed. They were wearing sizes 3 and 5, and I felt like a cow compared to them, but the guys always said I was so pretty and would break their necks to talk to me.


I am turning 26 on the 25th of this month, and I want to be much thinner by Christmas. I don't want to say how much I weigh, but I will say that after being abused by my mother and ex husband, having a child with no pain medication at 16 years old, going through my current husband's suicide attempt, and having 2 girls 18 months apart has caused a ton of stress on me as well as my disgusting body. I hate looking in the mirror at myself. It hurts to know how unattractive your body can get after having a child, let alone 3.


I NEVER let my husband see me nakad, ever. I want so badly to let him see a much thinner, firmer, and happier me more than anything. I started working out! I have a trampoline and an ab lounge to help along the way. I pray to God every night to please help me with my emotional eating, and I get so mad and frustrated when I give into something I shouldn't. I agree about the people in their motorized carts at markets. I will never be so fat that I would have to resort to a motorized cart! Sorry so long. Wish me luck!

Wow, your post really spoke to me.
I found this website last night because I am the fat spouse.
I'm not morbidly obese but can certainly stand to lose about 25 pounds. My husband has taken great offense to my weight and we have had many, many fights about it over the many years we've been together.
My weight has crept up incrementally, but even I know that I am not pleasing to the eye, physically, although I have a beautiful face and still get compliments on that.
Weight is such a touchy issue. I have honestly felt that if my husband REALLY loved me that he would never have had the "nerve" to have brought the subject up. Hoever, I think that your post, and this website in general, has encouraged me to stop wanting to shoot the messenger. He has a right to be disappointed and maybe even turned off. For so many years I've not wanted to "reward him" with a thin wife because I felt that he was harrassing me (and this goes back to childhood baggage because I had a Dad who also was very conscious of my weight...it makes me feel that no man loves me when I'm not "perfect" and that inspires a rebelliousness in me that causes me to intentionally overeat. I guess it's been a long time now that I realize I am only spiting myself. I guess I needed one last push in what will be the right direction.
I have a good, loyal husband, and he loves me. I need to give him a wife he can be proud of. I hate that I have been rebellious and
wasted over 20 years trying to "show" my husband that his words hurt. My overeating has hurt him just as much.

Sue, my ex husband was very abusive when I was 16. After my son was born in July, he changed. He would call me a crazy, fat bitch, and he beat me up on Christmas Day when my son was 5 months old. He abandoned my son and I when I was 17, and I was an emotional wreck for a long time until I met my current husband.


My current husband and I will be married 4 years on June the 6th, and boy, did we fight off and on a lot over the dumbest stuff. I found out on April 2nd that he had put his profile on a couple of dating websites saying he was recently divorced! The shit hit the fan after that, but he dropped to his knees and swore on our kids' lives that he had never cheated on me. My weight wasn't the issue as to why he did this. We both were just arguing every single day and screaming at eachother at least 2 or 3 times a week.


The thing that hurt the most about that incident was the fact that he was looking for a slender, athletic, or fit woman! THAT WAS MY MOTIVATION RIGHT THERE! I think he just didn't want to admit to me that even though we have phenomenal sex, I WOULD NEVER LET HIM SEE ME NAKAD THE ENTIRE TIME WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER because of my body! I am very attracted to my husband, but I want him to be able to pick me up and haul me to the bed in broad daylight with nothing on without feeling disgusting.


I hope this helps.

Hi Streamers,

You've been through so much, and I am very sorry! I never want to see anyone go through difficult times. I truly sympathize with you.

My avatar is very close to what my wife looked like when we were married. She now weighs 300+ pounds. I have no interest in any sexual activity with her. She is so big that even the "physical" aspects of sex are often quite difficult.

It is not that men (or women) desire to be cruel when confronting an obese spouse; instead, remember that we all have a life to live, and certain expectations are a part of it. As I have mentioned before on this site, I only asked for a fit spouse for my entire married life (something she made us vow to be when we were first married). This is not unreasonable. Consider the possiblity that you are ready to take the next step into fitness, and then go for it. However, don't tolerate physical abuse and someone intentionally being cruel. No one is called to put up with that kind of behavior!

My best,

John

Hello all,

Ive just stumbled across this site and i feel like FINALLY!!! Somewhere i can say the things i really think without feeling like a total s**t.

Im a very fit and athletic woman. I enjoy exercising for exercise sake but i also like to keep in shape. When i met my partner (not married but together 4 years - is that cheating?), he wasnt intentionally physically active but he worked renovating houses which is obviously quite physical and this kept him in good shape.

However in the last year or so business has taken off and he now hires people to do the renovations so his weight has slowly crept up. Further, my work involves a lot of travel abroad and most recently i was away for almost 6 months (with the occasional long weekend home). When im home, we eat quite healthily as i do most of the shopping and cooking but when i was away he ate out constantly and lived on take aways, junk food and beer. In this time alone, he has gained approximately 20 pounds and in total in the last year probably about 35 pounds.

He's quite tall so you'd think he may be able to carry it off but unfortunately it seems to have all gone to his belly and, dare i say, breasts! Yes, my partner now has man-boobs!

I have tried a few subtle hints, even signing us both up to a new gym just opened locally but he jokingly laughs off his new-found bosom; he actually calls them 'the girls!' If i was around long enough i could possibly gain some ground by restricting what he eats but unfortunately in another two months i have an assignment away.

I actually feel physically repulsed by him, and i am so ashamed to admit that. Unfortunately it manifests itself in irritability at everything he says or does and we bicker constantly about the smallest things. I have found i have began to stay out late with friends or colleagues hoping he will be asleep by the time i get home so we do not have to have sex. Ive told a few good friends but they think im overreacting or being terribly shallow and i also feel like i cant tell them the full extent of my disgust at it would be a betrayal to our relationship.

I really dont know what to do.

Welcome crazyhorse!

Everything you said about feeling guilty, to friends saying you are shallow is a common experience to the members here.

On this board no one will call you names, because you are justified in being upset with your mate. We won't let anyone come on here and badger you.

This is the internet refuge for those that have a legitimate qualm with their partners weight.

From what you said it doesn't sound like he is going to change soon without something drastic happening.

I hope you stick around and get some good ideas. Please feel free to post about anything, and often.

I have to say Im pleased to have found this site. I too suffer from having an overweight spouse/wife. We have been married 14 years and she has continued to put on weight throughout this time leaving me increasingly sexually frustrated. We discuss it but it always ends in tears and nothing ever seems to happen. I end up on the internet looking at porn or even having cybersex because I feel I have no option to relieve the sexual frustration. Then I feel extremely guilty because I feel like Im betraying my wife. It is a lose/lose situation, either way I feel bad and she does too. Now Im almost 40 and wondering if my libido has diminished completely ( Im usually easily arousable ) because I have no sexual feelings towards my wife at all and although I love her It scares me becauseI feel like our relationship is dying. Im 74 kg and she is 90 something ( she wont tell me) and Im almost feeling like I should be going to get therapy or something. Last night I was hard and initiated relations but as soon as we started, I could sense her reluctance and lack of enthusiasm and it just took the wind from my sails so to speak and then I feel like Im the one with the problem, of course its a shared problem. She rarely initiates, cannot wear lingerie and just cannot seem to be sexy in any way, which she tells me is because she is a fat unattractive chubber ( her words). The whole thing has me worried about us and frankly now has me concerned about my own sexual ability. She is off to a health spa for a week with naturopaths and nutritionists and hopefully will be on th road to a healthier happier person. Whatever happens I dot think its going to be an easy time.
Sorry for the long post but its nice to get this off my chest.

mzthn,

That was not a long post. It sounds very very familiar. Pull up a chair and join us in our little group. We've heard your story before, and we have a few suggestions. Most of all we can offer you some support. You aren't alone and you aren't a bad person for feeling the way you do.

If you are getting excited at porn, then you don't have a libido problem. It is just misdirected. Its not wrong for a person to be sexually repulsed by and overweight mate. It happens, its a fact of nature.

Its not uncommon for a fat partner to become insecure sexually because of their weight.

The good news is that even relatively small weight loss, meaning not back to skinny level, results in a major revival of sexual interest in many couples.

For things to improve between you, she doesn't have to lose all of her weight. Just some improvement will make both of you feel more interested and excited about each other.

Sharon wrote:

QUOTE:
I think you need to educate yourself about obesity before you start passing judgements. Post a picture of yourself on here and let us see what you look like and then we can rate your picture.

It's probably too late to comment on this... but if there are any flag waving fat acceptance people... Lot's of us have posted our pictures to this site.

And by the way, no we're not fat... our body fat percentages are within normal ranges and we're doing our significant others a favor by sticking with them and trying to help them find a better life, rather than ditching them and just moving on.

By the way, I've seen several pictures of Chris, and other senior board members. We're all in pretty damn good shape.

The whole idea that we're out of shape spouse's wishing our mates would be model thin is NOT what I perceive this site to be about.

To me this site is about finding a way to deal with the problem effectively and assert your concerns in a safe environment. It's a source of support for many people who simply refuse to accept the horrible consequences of having far too high a level of body fat. No matter how much you want to deny it with fat acceptance science... being obese is NOT healthy and most times (99%) it's because of poor lifestyle choices.

It's about standing up for what you want and not feeling guilty about expecting some one to be their personal best.

AMEN TO THAT!!

Wow, I am certainly glad I found this site.

My wife has steadily gained weight for the last 10 years. I don't know her actual weight anymore - I would guess it is around 350 pounds. I simply do not find her attractive anymore.

She has made it very plain to me that I am the one with the problem if I cannot accept her as she is. Most of her friends are overweight and have made it clear what an insensitve slob I am for daring to suggest that my wife eat less and get some exercise.

Eating to my wife and her friends is some sort of sacred ritual, and God help anymore who dares to suggest otherwise.

I could defintely use some support and will be around.

Ken

One of the main reasons I started this website was because the rest of the internet has a blame the victim (you the thinner spouse) mentality when it comes to the subject.

On the rest of the internet they claim that 1) you are shallow because you don't have a switch that you can flip, so you can find your obese wife attractive

2) If anything her weight is probably your fault and you are such a shallow asshole and your lack of support is making her fatter.

Let's start by saying you aren't putting the food in to her mouth, and you can't exercise for her.

Associations with fat friends and families has been statistically been proven to factors in obesity.

Who you hang out with can affect your weight!

To be honest we don't need a study to prove this. Everyone knows that fat folks run in packs. They reinforce each other's gluttonous behavior, and even go so far as to sabotage those who try to change their lifestyle.

I'm glad you found us, and I hope you keep on posting, and reading through here!

{mosgoogle center}

Chris wrote:

QUOTE:

To be honest we don't need a study to prove this. Everyone knows that fat folks run in packs..."


{mosgoogle center}

they're like fuckin' wolves.

the female groups prey on skinny men.

You can't prey on the willing...

Even if it is 3am and they are drunk!

hahahaha

There are ALWAYS 2 sides to EVERY story. I am the exact same weight now as when my husband and I dated and he asked me to marry him. I am not a hugely obese person, but I am overweight. I have lost weight throughout our marriage, but I have never gained back any more than I weighed when we dated.
Almost as soon as we married, the "can't you lose weight" harrassment started. Comments like, "I'm embarrassed by your weight", "it makes me feel guilty when I look at other (thinner) women". He connects every adverse thing that may happen in my life to my weight. I have lost weight, been thin, and he then would start on something else that's wrong (according to him) with me. Our sex life (whether I'm thin or fat) is completely boring and one sided even though, yes, I have expressed what would "pleasure" me. He is only interested in what sex does for him. And HE IS NOT PERFECT. I could go into his personal problems and how they have adversely affected our marriage, but I'll pass on that one. As I'm writing this I'm thinking "why the hell do I stay with him?". I think I'll unleash him to harrass some other poor woman that may cross his path. Thanks for listening.

Despite your current weight his flip flopping is the issue. He had no problem with you from the start and from what you say you have reached the same weight at the time of dating. The ploy to marry someone and then try to change them is wrong and deceptive.

2sides,

you are correct in your frustration. I want to let you know we don't encourage spouses that are doing what yours is doing, when they visit.

They usually visit once or twice then leave do to lack of encouragement.