QUOTE:
Don't underestimate desperate horny people.

LOL... we're a force to be reckoned with, so be afraid, Very Afraid!

Sunshine,

A couple days ago I posted a few pieces I found about the improved sex life of those who chose to loose. Your living proof. I can understand your resentment and feelings about your husband reaping the benefits of all your hard work. I'm sure I speak for many when I say I wish my marriage had this problem. I could try and explain that believe it or not, your husband has suffered somewhat...I think you should look at it this way. Women who loose weight are always surprised by the attention they get from males after they loose weight. Not just husbands. Single women who loose weight suddenly find themselves with dating and relationship options they didn't have before. Your weight gain changed the dynamics in your marriage and now your weight loss is changing those dynamics again. I hope your husband wasn't so awful before you started losing weight, but if he was you should get it off your chest. Let him know and let it go. What's the alternative? You may wish to remind him that the thinner and healthier you get the more alternatives you will have.

Tuesday wrote:

QUOTE:
Sunshine,

A couple days ago I posted a few pieces I found about the improved sex life of those who chose to loose. Your living proof. I can understand your resentment and feelings about your husband reaping the benefits of all your hard work. I'm sure I speak for many when I say I wish my marriage had this problem. I could try and explain that believe it or not, your husband has suffered somewhat...I think you should look at it this way. Women who loose weight are always surprised by the attention they get from males after they loose weight. Not just husbands. Single women who loose weight suddenly find themselves with dating and relationship options they didn't have before. Your weight gain changed the dynamics in your marriage and now your weight loss is changing those dynamics again. I hope your husband wasn't so awful before you started losing weight, but if he was you should get it off your chest. Let him know and let it go. What's the alternative? You may wish to remind him that the thinner and healthier you get the more alternatives you will have.

Tuesday,

Despite my weight, our intimacy never came to a hault. And I have never been at a loss for male attention. Some may find that hard to believe or arrogant for me to state, especially as a "fat" woman; however, truth is truth. Fat does not mean ugly or unattractive, in all cases.

Nonetheless, it's hard for me to accept that he suffered and I know it's because his approach regarding my weight issue was completely rotten, and unwarranted. I'm a very reasonable, and diplomatic, woman. Sure, if he had been kind/supportive, I would have felt pain having to discuss my weight with him, but not just for myself, but because I know I would have let him down. However, because of my personality, and because he never showed an ounce of compassion & support, I only view his desire for my shape to change as being motivated by selfishness. It's been rather interesting for me to reflect on his new behavior, but it all comes back to this point: It's always been about his needs.

Believe me, I have shared with him how I feel. All he can say is 'sorry'. At this point, as you can tell, I'm kinda, like, "whatever, great....that's real thoughtful" But, you're right, what is the alternative? Divorce is the only option, but I'm not at that point, or even close. However, I'm certainly not as fearful regarding divorce as I once was. He's a great provider, is a good father, has a very strong work ethic (which I definitely respect!), an evolving spiritual awareness, and has some other redeeming qualities. So, all I guess I can share is, this is a growing process, as this shifting dynamic is relatively new to our marriage. It will take time to heal.

I'm done with my rant, and I feel better

Ouote: but now he ...- gets all the benefits of my hard work?

I dunno.
When I read this, it sounds as if you are saying that if you consent to have sex, it is a privilege for your husband.
I know that is not what you are saying, but the tone is a turn-off.

Poolboy wrote:

QUOTE:
Ouote: but now he ...- gets all the benefits of my hard work?

I dunno.
When I read this, it sounds as if you are saying that if you consent to have sex, it is a privilege for your husband.
I know that is not what you are saying, but the tone is a turn-off.

Without one knowing the history of how my weight issues had evolved, and how he treated me during this time, I think it's understandable for you to get that impression. However, you're also correct in that, that is not what I'm "saying". Reaping the benefits of my hard work goes way beyond sex. This is also about one having the ability to reciprocate respect, kindess and support - being a geniune lifetime partner, even when things don't "look" so good. I was never destined to be a fat woman, nor would I have tolerated it long-term. I just needed some support, support I never recieved from him, and he knows this.

So, it amazes me how I'm now deserving - because of my improving looks - of being shown, by him, respect, kindess, and support. It's like I've gone from being almost invisible, to totally visible, and I don't know how to react to this new dynamic. For many long years, because I went, in essence, without a geniune partner (this is so beyond sex - anyone can have sex) that I began to fill my world with other things. But now, one change, and a change he only supported in theory - because it benefited him (something better to look at and something better to "show-off", I'm now somehow adequate....good enough?! But within those years, I remained a respectful, kind and supportive partner, despite dealing with my health issues alone, cleaning, cooking, managing the entire home, tending to the children, working pt, going to school pt, and remaining hospitable to his friends, family, and business associates. In essence, even with finally beginning to lose weight, it's been my effort. Always has.

So, once again, it will take time to heal, and I've got to walk through each emotion and learn to let it go. But....but it's never, ever because I view sex with him, my husband, as a priviledge for him. Marriage, to me, is a partnership, a shared mutual respect for all - and anything - that betters the marriage and family.