If you want to buy a vibrator that isn't a vibrator

Buy the Hitachi Magic Wand

It really is a massager...but it has A HUGE following amongst women, as a vibrator, with many attachments.

It is referred to as the as the "Cadillac of Vibrators"

Google it if you don't believe me. My wife has one, and ever since all the other toys get neglected.


If it is found just say "its a massager" BECAUSE IT IS!

Hi Hubby-is-Fat,

I haven't heard from you, and I am interested in whether there is any progress, either through counseling, or other means (books, etc.). Please let us hear from you.

Take care,

John

Hi John,

I'm still here. I check in from time to time, but don't always post. I enjoy reading everyone's comments and don't always feel like I have anything important to add...

Anyway... Thanks for your concern!!

Lets see... in reagard to husband's weight loss - progress isn't a word that I would use just yet. I had very high hopes two weeks ago. Husband and I made our usual monthly run to Sam's Club for bulk items. We discovered they had a FULL gym for sale $400 (a discontinued item with only 2 left). It has the squat bar, the pulldown station, the leg extensions, arm curl bench, the whole nine yards.... Its pretty sweet and will just barely squeeze into the room with the treadmill. I was so excited for the purchase - for me to use and of course for husband. Well... its still in boxes in the garage. I would put it together myself, but I'm afraid I can't due to the weight of some of the components. If I were not pregnant, I would not be so fearful - I would just bust a gut and do it.

We meet again with our marriage counseler in a few weeks. I always kinda have fun at these sessions. The guy is very honest and I'm totally open to learning more about why I do the things I do. The thing is that he usually lets husband have it. Its like I get to vent thru a third person; sometimes I think the guy can read my mind. I usually don't have to say much unless there is something new I want to discuss. But as satisfying as these sessions are, they are equally as frustrating to me as I feel that we are not really making any headway. Maybe we are and I just need to be more patient. But its pretty expensive and I usually take what the guy says to heart and try to make the adjustments we talk about. Husband is a different story. He puts on is little "Boy Scout" act: yes sir, no sir, I'll get right on it, sir... We get home and its like we never had a session. If the counselor doesn't mention lack of progress soon, I am going to. This session or maybe next.

As far as the sex goes... well it isn't. I'm perfectly happy to be celibate (sp?) until he gets his act together. Its actually been nice to not have to worry about it. He mentions it from time to time, but I can usually just look at him and he drops it, so I think he knows what is going on. I haven't purchased any books on the subject yet. I'm kinda waiting to see what counseling brings. But getting some kind of book is something I will probably do at some point. I'm sure husband I can can both learn something.

That's about it. Pregnancy is going well. I've gained about 5 lbs so far, but I'm into my 4th month, so baby is really going to start growing soon. Fat pants here I come!

Hope you are doing well!

Hi Hubby-is-Fat,

I am very glad that your counseling is going well, and that you like your therapist. That means a lot in a situation like this. And, I am so happy that your pregnancy is going very well. That's a blessing!

I'm sorry that your gym equipment is still in the garage. Have you addressed this issue with your husband in firm terms?

Please, keep us regularly updated. I am always interested in hearing about your situation (actually, your progress, I hope).

My best,

John

I am so glad you found a good counselor! That can be hard to do! I get free couneling services through my work but the counselors are not uber helpful. All they do is focus in on my (admittedly bad) depression and ignore the plethora of other stuff that's going on >. I am proud of your ability to stand your ground! I hope he gets the message soon.

Hi Mint Car,

Have you had the opportunity to take a look at the book, Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life by Steven Hayes, yet? I believe I mentioned that book to you in a previous post. I truly think you will find that volume quite interesting.

Also, there are some therapists who are limited by either their type of counseling (psychoanalysis, client-centered and humanistic therapy, Jungian therapy, cognitive therapy, MFT, etc.), or their unwillingness to see beyond a single issue, so that they just stay with what they have been taught, rather than doing further, in-depth research to help you. This can be a major problem! Have you confronted your therapist with how you feel about him or her, and the job being done? Have you asked him or her why they don't want to explore the larger dimensions of what is actually going on? Have you demanded that he or she address the issue that your depression has a cause (beyond the situation with neurotransmitters, for which you need psychopharmacological assistance)?

Don't let therapists off the hook. They need to see you as a special person who demands to explore the issues, and get well!!!!!!!

My very, very best,

John

I got the book from the library but haven't sat down to read it!! I'm sorry! I have instead been reading the manual on Arc8 and the pesticide applicator's manual. I have to test tommorrow . You know quite a bit about psychology so it seems. Nice to talk to an educated person. I have mentioned it to my therapist and she says that we need to treat the depression first. I said perhaps some other things are contributing to it on top of it being a physiological problem. She says that given my family history it is probably primarily genetic. I have stopped going but I am back on my meds, so whatever. I'm happy right now Thanks for caring.

Hi Mint Car,

Whenever you get the opportunity to peruse that book, I think you will see its benefits. On the other hand, I see that you are very busy with your own work and reading, which certainly comes first. Please let me know if and when you get a chance to look at the book.

I understand what your therapist thinks about your depression if it goes back, for example, several generations. If I may ask: how far back in your family history does it go?

In point of fact, there are still a variety of dimensions which may be associated with your situation. Of course, your meds will help you, and you should obviously stay on them. However, there may well be far more issues for you than have been addressed.

I am very glad you are happy!! At some point you might want to know more about what the therapist thinks is the etiology of your depression, without necessarily relying on the genetic component.

However, most of all--stay happy!!

John

Hi Mint Car,

You mentioned that it is nice to talk to an educated person. I feel the same way when I talk with you (obviously you have a graduate degree, or are working on one). Let me know if you are willing, and we will talk about academics in general, okay?

My best,

John

My hubby slips into a major depression whenever we go too long without sex. Which to him, is like a week. I would be happy to go a month or so without, hell, even a few months. But in order to keep him off the brink I yield every so often. The sex isn't good, not because he isn't a good lover, but because I just can't get turned on by him. So I just lay there, and he feels horrible about that as well. Don't know that I can change that though, not until his appearance changes. I never thought of myself as a visual person, but I must be, if his being overweight affects my sex drive so much.