Ok. I hear what you are saying about women, but what about men. Why does a man just let himself go? My husband I and haven't had sex for at least 3 months, the longest streach so far in a new marrigae. He knows its becuase of his weight gain. He wants more sex, but he won't lose the weight.

I'm lucky in a way I guess. As a woman, I don't have the testoserone (sp?) fueled sex drive. I could cruise for a good 6 - 8 months easy and not even think about it.

Hi Hubby is Fat,

Honestly, I know a lot of women, and I don't know of very many who would be willing to go that long.

John

testostorone is the hormone that drives both female and male sex drive.

However, Obviously, woman produce less of it than men. But they do produce it.


It isn't uncommon for couples in their late 30's and early 40's for the woman to be the more sexually agressive partner.

I remember reading a statement by Ann Landers or Dear Abby, can't remember which one, about sex, or the lack of it in marriage. She said that she gets letters from men complaining about their wives lack of interest in sex, and she gets letters from wives complaining about their husbands lack of interest. I can't quote her comment, but it was something like if she could could match those who have interest with a like minded partner and match those who don't have interest with a like minded partner everyone would be much happier. I suppose thats kind of simplistic, but the same analogy might be used in regard to fat spouses.

Hi Zimm,

I firmly believe that in time, some fat spouses would get tired of the other fat spouse.

Take care,

John

John Smith wrote:

QUOTE:
Hi Hubby is Fat,

Honestly, I know a lot of women, and I don't know of very many who would be willing to go that long.

John

I guess I'm the oddball then!

Oh well - maybe I have a lower-than-normal sex drive. Maybe its due to my fat spouse? I dunno, I just don't have the interest. Its not that I don't think about it, even dream about it sometimes (usually its someone other than my husband) - but I look at my husband and its an instant turn-off.

And I think that part of it might be that I was a virgin when I married. My husband is not what I would consider a "good lover", but honestly I have nothing to compare my experience with, but shouldn't a guy last more than 5 minutes? Not joking here - from start to finish - 5 minutes. So I guess maybe I've never had good sex, so the act itself is becoming another turn-off. I always thought sex was supposed to be tender, loving, leisurely, climatic... Our sex life is nothing like that - its "on demand", rough, and over fast (for him). Like I would imagine a teenage boy...

Well - sorry - too much info there maybe...

OMG..that sucks for you! Not just the fat spouse..but the lousy sex. If I were you I'd buy a vibrator. No reason for you to not have pleasure just because your hubby sucks.

Hi Hubby-is-Fat,

No, you didn't provide too much information. If your husband lacks experience in how to please you, then he needs to understand that issue. There are a lot of books on the market which clearly explain everything from the first kiss, to the final cuddle. He seems to need this sexual education. I suggest three possibilities:

1) Get a "how-to" sex book (be careful in your selection) and explain what is closer to a true, fulfilling sexual experience for you, reminding him that he will enjoy sex more as well.

2) Contact a sex therapist; they can be found by contacting marriage and family counseling centers in your area.

3) Explain to him that the better the sexual experience for the both of you, the more exciting, happy, and intimate your marriage will be.

My best,

John

Thanks John and VWGirl.

Um... a vibrator? No. I would be much too embarassed to buy one, and completely horrified if someone were to find it! Major blush here.

The "better sex" books... Actually my husband once said something about getting one of these. He feels its my fault, and I'm the one who needs to learn better technique. I don't really agree with this, but I'm open to one of these resources, as long as it is truly a resource and not just porn. Also, I might add that he has also blamed me for how quickly he "finishes." Saying that if we had sex more often he could last longer. I'm not buying this one, either. I know him well enough to know he is full of excuses, among other things. Maybe I should see what Amazon has to offer.

We have talked, very breifly about sex in our marriage counseling sessions. Dr. feels that we need to work on other issues first (his weight being a priority) and sex will either take care of its self, or we can discuss at a later date.

Thanks for your advice!!

Hi Hubby-is-Fat,

I'm glad you're thinking about the books. Show him and tell him what you want, and don't let him get away with blaming you. The blame game is very easy--but, you don't have to play.

Take care,

John