Hey Igarland1, I think most of us are visual people (men & women) I know I am. It's been 5yrs since I last had sex with my hubby and I think I was drunk. There is no way I could even make myself do the nasty with him now. Besides the visual aspect it would just be too friggin painful as he is more than twice my weight now, he would squish the life outta me.

I know, feeling the weight of a man is nice, being squished breathless is not.

Hi Izzy and Lovelee,

I understand. My wife is 300+ and the very thought of having any type of sex has become a virtual nightmare. It is such a horrible position in which to be, particularly since I really need it.

My best,

John

It has been awhile since anyone posted in here.....


It has been a looong while since we had sex.

We can't do the act itself due to ED.
Unknown if this is a side-effect from
high blood pressure meds, or the permanent
state of things. Or, most likely, a symptom of much worse things going on with his health.

It is inevitable this will happen when we get older, but he is not old (52) and this started more than 5 years ago.

I feel alternately cheated, sad and of course frustrated!
Then, guilty, selfish, and of course terribly worried (responsible somehow)for and about his health.

Exhausting. It would not be so bad if hewould make SOME effort to meet my needs.

Touching, kissing (brushing more would help) cuddling. The heavier he got, the less he seemed to care about hygiene.

As my BFF put in, "He has a tongue, doesnt he? He has hands doesnt he?
Then, he is lazy. He SHOULD care about
your needs. What is he thinking? You
are in your prime, and a beautiful (dont know about that so much anymore!*) woman."

*my negative self talk

It hurts so much that nothing I have said, done -books bought gym membership,
cooking healthy meals, really explored low sodium options......
makes not bit of difference.

I just found a sea of fast food wrappers, candy wrappers in his vehicles, his shop-by his "perch" on the sofa.

It is my fault totally-- for not leaving him. AT LEAST, MAYBE-
He would change for another woman.

I can hear it now--

"SHE saved my life". yeah, blah blah blah

I am beyond bitter. I am beyond cynical.

I am just in a black pit of despair.
Depression is just repressed anger.
I dont know who to be pissed off at more...

Wish I had something helpful to say, Trophywife but, I feel a deep sadness for you and how much of your life has been wasted.

No person deserves this and you are no exception. I don't know what to say, just that I hurt for you.

That is a really terrible story TW. I really do sympathize. I don't know how loyal I could be in that situation. The temptation would be great to find satisfaction elsewhere.

If I was in such sorry shape that I couldn't get interested in sex because of my obesity, I would have a GREAT BIG incentive to get my act together.

I just don't understand it????

The ones who don't bat an eye are a mystery to me. I told hubby I couldn't have sex with him till he loses the huge belly that makes it difficult and turns me off, a month ago. He sulked for awhile, and now he just, you know, takes care of himself. How does that help me? I'm not supposed to sleep with any man but my husband, and that's out. So do I just go without too? Not really fair, is it, to the fit spouse?

Bexter - yes, isn't it amazing the way the obese mind feels entitled to all the benefits of a committed relationship, yet seems entirely clueless to the needs of the other person?

The more I read other stories similar to my own, the more I believe the obese mentality regresses to some bizarre adolescent phase. Those of us who've raised teenagers know that there are a couple years in which the parent can't win no matter what the circumstance, when bad attitude, slovenly habits and a feeling of self-important entitlement seems to take over. I guess the big question is will it ever get better?

Well put, Ann.
Most of our discussions seem to bring out
a very immature attitude on his part.

I tried to find your earlier posts--was unsuccessful. (Still learning my way around this site)

I feel very relieved posting, but guilty.

He informed me he almost had a bad traffic accident today, someone passing over the double yellows. Thankfully, there was a pull out---

I am grateful for the support. I feel sad knowing that I am not alone.
Fat acceptance has a selfish component to it in my book. Delusional.
If you have a family, your health affects everyone.
I always tried to keep in mind, that caring for myself was part of taking good care of my kids.

Hi trophywife. Your statement that taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your children is very valid. Years ago when the kids were in elementary school, my wife and I decided that she needed more life insurance. I had enough on me to pay off the house and pay for the kids higher education. She had enough insurance to pay for a decent funeral. Unfortunatley, she was rejected because of her obesity. She is a very good mother to our children, and has always been there for them, but this could have impacted the family. If this bothered her, she never said so, but I sure resented it. It certainly did not motivate her to lose any weight--not even for her childrens' future....Zimm