Hi. I'm new here. My spouse is about 30 pounds over ideal weight. He justifies doing nothing about it by saying that because he plays sports 3-5 days a week, he is fit so it will protect him from the damage his excess weight could do to his body. I've explained how wrong-headed his thinking is, that it's just an excuse, but he won't budge. He is willing to be physically active but not willing to stop overeating. He knows I find excess weight unappealing, but this does not motivate him.
I'm stumped as to what else I can do. I cook healthy meals, but he gorges on snacks, which he justifies by saying they are mostly healthy snacks like peanuts, fruit, etc.
I've explained to him that taking in excess calories from healthy food is the same as taking in excess calories from unhealthy food.
He says I'm right, then just ignores my advice and keeps on munching.

How frustratingly stubborn he's being. American football has quite a few fat players, so obviously just playing sports does not make a person 'healthy' or 'fit'. Most sports are stop and go activity. At most endurance is built but that's not enough for a 'healthy' body.

If I'm not mistaken, most professional sports players do a lot of exercise outside of their sport so that their bodies are up for the demands of the sport itself.

Of coarse you know this, sorry I don't have a suggestion on how to get it through his head.

Would it be too nosy to ask how old is your spouse?

My first thought was, are you married to my hubby too - but mine is probably an older and heavier (60 pounds overweight) version of yours. I know all about that mindset and logic and it's driving me crazy. But ok fair enough, the exercise he does probably puts off the worst effects of his weight.

On the other hand, DH is approaching 50 and his weight is taking it's toll already. He gets VERY soar and his knees and back are hurting a lot. I think there is a very fine balance (and it's probably down to the individual and your age) as to how heavy you can get before your weight becomes an actual physical hindrance to your ability to exercise. When that happens you are in real trouble, because your weight is going to slow you down no matter how much you'd like to be active. Controlling your weight then becomes increasingly difficult.

I wish I had the answer as to what to do, but I don't.

You have my sympathy, Mary. Funny how those painful knees and backs don't have anything to do with their obesity, isn't it? My hubby's 52, and a hundred pounds overweight. It's a vicious cycle- the knees are painful, so he can't take walks. The more he doesn't go walking, the fatter he gets and the more the knees hurt.His doctor gave him a script for Celebrex; why didn't she say "anybody's knees would buckle under 300 crushing pounds; lose weight!!"

Hi lefty,

At just 30 lbs. from his idea weight your husband is a lighweight weight among the spouses reported on this site. I wish I would have mad a bigger deal about the weight when it was just 30 lbs.

If your spouse gains 5 lbs a year is doesn't seem like so big a deal but it is. You plan on staying married a long time so do the math. After a 20 year marriage that makes them 100 lbs. heaver.
YUCK! Encourage your mate to lose it now before it gets out of control.

rick wrote:

QUOTE:
Hi lefty,

At just 30 lbs. from his idea weight your husband is a lighweight weight among the spouses reported on this site. I wish I would have mad a bigger deal about the weight when it was just 30 lbs.

If your spouse gains 5 lbs a year is doesn't seem like so big a deal but it is. You plan on staying married a long time so do the math. After a 20 year marriage that makes them 100 lbs. heaver.
YUCK! Encourage your mate to lose it now before it gets out of control.

Indeed!

You should also ridicule him and tell him that extra 30 pounds makes him less appealing to you and that he sucks in bed because of it.

If he considers himself an athlete, maybe you could make the exercise a challenge and trick him into doing it.

For instance, tell him that you bet he can't do 5 pullups. If he fails, roll your eyes and say "Some athlete" sarcastically. If he succeeds, wait a few days and bet him he can't do ten. Do the same with 50 pushups or 50 situps, etc. When he does fail, make fun of him a little bit and try to make it a game/challenge to see how long it takes him to be able to do it.
Eventually, he'll start to get fitter and you can compliment him on it, and maybe he'll start wanting to do this without your goading.

You have to be honest with these people. You can't coddle and cajole them and expect them to change.

I find that making them uncomfortable works very well.

Married2ASweatHog wrote:

QUOTE:
You have to be honest with these people. You can't coddle and cajole them and expect them to change.

I find that making them uncomfortable works very well.

I have to agree. You can't have anything worth while without effort and discomfort. There are some limits to tact but you can't get much results from being a comforter. Start out mild (almost never works) and work your way up until they pull their heads out their asses. If they plant it back in their ass its time to leave them because their damaging lifestyle is more important than their family or health.