This thread discusses the Content article: Fat Is Bad For Married Sex

All fat asses are always in bad moods. The reason they're in bad moods I feel is because their fat asses don't excersise. I feel that excersise helps in strengthening the entire body, inclusing chemical balancing in the brain. Exercisins gets rid of that so called "too much stress" excuse because if you exercised, you'd feel less stressed out. So fat asses are stressed because they don't excersie. And as for time, if you're able to tell me who got voted off on american idol, survivor, so you think you can dance etc. the night before, that means your fat ass had time to watch that garbage but no time to exercise. So sitting there on your fat ass and knowing what brainless blonde got voted off of every reality tv show every night of the week is more important than your health.

I love the analogy of how people put the best oil in their cars becuase it's so important but then they go fill their bodies with pollutants and smoke and do drugs and eat fast food. Your body deserves the best moreso than some stupid car.

I agree. I love my husband dearly. I came to this site hoping to find a way to help him and myself and I'm dissapointed. My man has yo-yo'd with weight his whole life and nobody is more disgusted by his body than himself. Im looking to find ways to connect with him so that I will enjoy sex again. I have the drive, but when it comes down to the deed, I just want to get it over with.

I've lost weight like 50 lbs in two years. It can be done you just have to want to. I'm sorry about your husband and his situation but at the same time you are bashing this site's get tough approach, you can't understand why your husband isn't losing weight. There are no shortages of solutions these days from bariatric surgery, xenical, and high quality 24 hour a day gyms located ALL OVER.

He may feel bad about it, but appearantly not enough to change anything about it permantly. The fact that he has tried to lose weight in the past is a good sign, but if you want to eliminate personal motivation from the formula you will have a unsexy husband you don't have any sexual interest in for quite sometime.

Motivating your husband doesn't not mean belittling him with insults as some seem to think on this site, but it is equally irresponsible to think that his own motivation plays no role in his situation.

As much as you want to come to this site and criticize, you have to understand many people have spouses that don't seem to care at all. HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING FOR THEM AND THEIR FEELINGS.

At first I was appauled by the lude comments from other posts and the referral of overweight individuals as "fat asses" or just "fat" in general, lowered the credibility of this site as being a true refuge and forum for the other spouse. I didn't want to visit a site that bashed overweight people, but that provided constructive solutions to not only help me deal with the fact my spouse is overweight, but suggestions to promote weight loss.

The reply post by "keep making excuses" gave me another perspective that both husband and wife, regardless of who has the weight problem, are both victims in the situation. The weight problem is both their problem because it affects both people. And although "Moods" comments were not politically correct, nonetheless, he/she should still have a forum or a place to vent their frustrations candidly and without judgement. We have a voice too!!! And with year after year passing with the only change are the scales tipping as the pounds increase and wardrobe gets bigger (in size that is), you do reach a point where you don't know what the F**k to do. You can't force your spouse to lose weight and handcuff them to a treadmill. So instead you try to remain patient and wait for a miracle to occur of this lightbulb to go off in their head for them to wake up see the life they are missing. But until that day arrives, you, or I should say.... I am left with a cloud of shallow guilt of wanting a thinner sexy spouse.

One thing I can take from this sight is that my desires for a healthier slimmer spouse is not shallow or fueled by our media influenced culture. It reaffirmed that my desires are healthy and justified. I wish I knew what to do though. It is one thing to be right, but it doesn't change anything. I love her too much to leave, but I can't see myself continuing down this path for the rest of my life. We both deserve to be happy and at times I wish I had a fat fetish so she could feel desired. I sometimes think that I may be blocking her from finding someone who fully supports the Fat Acceptance Movement or just likes big women. Someone who will make her feel desired and loved just the way she is. Someone who will encourage her to be herself and not change to fit a societal mold. For 7 years I have tried to convinence myself I could be that person, but with an ulterior motive: That the none existence of stress to loose weight to keep your spouse or make them happy, would free or motivate her to lose weight. That because she is loved by someone unconditionally (whatever that means these days), she will love herself enough to improve her life and health by losing weight. Or am I just delusional?

Unconditiional Love?

What does that mean? Despite me not having any desire for my wife doesn't mean I don't love her or does it. Is it possible to love someone unconditionally and not want to have sex with them? I dont' know if this is a good analogy or if it applies or if there are different types of love, but I love my parents unconditionally. I would never abandone them for any reason. And to put it back into the realm of marriage, is sex a factor of unconditional love?

Sorry for the long post. Of course, I have so much more to say, but too much to disclose here.

Some folks have alterior motives in criticizing the name calling. Frankly IMO many are just the overweight posing as concerned spouses, while some are sensitive spouses looking for solutions.

The problem with the later is the sensistive spouse is often being taken advantage of in this situation. There concern for the other spouses feelings are being walked on, in a fashion just as crude and inconsiderate as the name calling.

Many a good wife or husband in a fit of anger has walked of and said "I hate my freaking life, my wife, and my marriage", do they mean it ... NO.

They are at the end of the rope, they don't know what else to do. That is where many who access this site are at. They don't know what else to do. So they get on this board and call there spouse crude names, fatass etc. As quickly as we want to criticize them you must also understand these are people whose feelings have been taken advantage of for years. Whose sexual desire has been forced to be repressed for years. This can be a source of frustration as well.

The RESPECT speech should be turned around on the spouse that has no respect for their partners desires as well!

[size=4][i]Unconditiional Love?

What does that mean? Despite me not having any desire for my wife doesn't mean I don't love her or does it. Is it possible to love someone unconditionally and not want to have sex with them? I dont' know if this is a good analogy or if it applies or if there are different types of love, but I love my parents unconditionally. I would never abandone them for any reason. And to put it back into the realm of marriage, is sex a factor of unconditional love?

Sorry for the long post. Of course, I have so much more to say, but too much to disclose here.[/quote[/i]

Hi Guilted...

I struggled with being with an obese man for years and my thoughts were so similar to what you posted. Even though I loved this man, I was no longer "in love" with him. I finally came to terms with the fact that a marital relationship is different than a relationship with your parents, children, friends, whatever. It should be a romantic relationship where you enjoy each other sexually as adults. When one partner completely denies their responsibility to keep themselves reasonably attractive for their spouse, the relationship changes from one based on romantic love, to the type of love you may have for a parent or child. You may still love that person, but I think it is hard to love them in a romantic, sexual way. I know it was impossible for me.

I am now divorced, but when I was married to this man and trying to get him to get control of his weight, he would say things like "what about your fat friend "so and so", you hang out with her and don't care if she is overweight, why do you care if I am???? Well, my response was "I don't have to f*ck her, so I don't care how much she weighs. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is truly how I feel...

While I do think it is wrong to expect perfection in terms of weight and appearance from your spouse (ie. a guy who gets pissed because his slim wife gains 5lbs), a weight gain of over 20-30 lbs. is just WRONG if that person wants to continue with a romantic, sexual relationship.

While I am extremely sad in many ways my marriage failed, I am sooooo relieved and glad I do not have to deal with his weight issue any longer. Watching someone get fatter and fatter and then be expected to have sex with them was just too much...never again will I do anything like that. I am repulsed by the though of that. I do not think you are shallow. I feel bad for what you are going through and I know what a struggle it is to deal with. Good luck.

Thanks I'm in the same boat is it wrong to want a healthy spouse? Now shes almost 50 and debilitaded.ARRGGG She says we don't do anything together,,.. she sunbathes and watches tv ..qvc buys excercise equipt. we hace 8 diffrent unused apparaticises ..You name it she has it still no change in 20 yrs ...................................... Is it too late???? go to comments on confessions of a coe

thanks been there 20 yrs see confessions of a coe my replys

I AGREE. MY WIFE KEEP GETTING BIG AND BIG....SHE STARTED SOME DITE FOR WEEKS THEN SHE QUITS OUT OF BLUE. ALWAYS SHE GOT SOME EXCUSES. WHEN I MARRIED HER I THOUGHT I COULD CHANGE HER VIEWS AND SHE DID NOT WEIGHT 230LBS; SHE EATS ALL FATTY FOODS LIKE CHEESE AND BREADS. WE LIVE IN AMERICA AND 21ST CENTURY....THIS WORLD IS FULL OF INFO ON TIP OF OUR FINGER. BUT I LOVE HER...TRYING TO SUPPORT HER WITH LOGIC AND INFO. SHE SEEMS ITS OFF TOPIC THAT NO SHOULD TALK ABOUT HER WEIGHT.

I AGREE SOME PEOPLE CANNOT HELP THEMSELVES....BUT LOOK AROUND LOGICALLY ITS A VURDEN FOR WHOLE SOCITY.... IF YOU ARE FAT AND OVERWEIGHT....CONSUME MORE FOODS -> MORE EXPENSES -> LACK OF SEX LIFE -> BAD MARRIAGE -> GETS DIABETIC -> LIFE SUPPORT -> KEEP GOING....THE SOCITY HAS TAKEN SOME BURDEN THEREAFTER....BUT NO BODY CARES BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE MY WIFE DONT GET THAT IDEA.....

YOU DONT HAVE TO SKINNY SKELETON OR SICK LOOKING....BUT GOOD DITE AND EXERCISE WILL KEEP YOU FIT, GOOD MARRIGE, GOOD SEX LIFE AND ENJOY LIFE...

Thx Don,

You might not want to use caps for you next message, it makes it a little tough to read.