I'm with Chris on that - blame shifting. My wife does that, too. "I want to lose weight, but you won't help me. blah blah blah" I'm not a surgeon, so I can't cut the weight off her. But after reading this site all morning (yes, I did manage to get some work done between reading posts), I made a major decision. I, too, am ready to give my wife an ultimatum. Well, maybe not in so many words, but I'm going to start holding her feet to the fire, today. I went to the library over lunch and picked up three books - two on low fat cooking (partly for me, but also for her), and one on obesity. Since I love reading and doing research, I've decided to give her the "help" she demanded - I'm putting her on a strict low-fat diet. Well, we won't jump in with both feet, but rather migrate to it over the next couple of weeks. And if she decides to cheat, I'm calling her on it with responses like, "do you want the ice cream or me?" And I, too, will set a deadline. We're paying off a chapter 13 bankruptcy, which should be done by about November of 2009. I'm going to push and push for the next year until it's financially prudent, and if she continues to neglect her health and me, despite all my efforts, then I'm done. And with no guilt, because at least I will have given it my best shot.

I feel for you, dandylioness. But how can he possibly stay in the military if he's so out of shape? Don't they do PT tests? If you need one more thing to threaten or coerce him with, you could try that. But if you've done all you can do and he still doesn't listen, then quietly put some money aside for the trip, pack your most important possessions, and drive to your folks' house. Best of luck.