I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have tried to help my husband, be supportive of him losing weight, but it feels pointless.
I hate having sex with him. I can't stand the way he smells. Every time I look at him
I am disgusted.
He just seems to be getting lazier every day. He comes home from work and plays video games and eats until it's time for bed.
We don't sleep in the same bed, we haven't for 3 years because he snores, and rolls around and talks in his sleep, and sweats like crazy. He has kicked me and hit me in his sleep. I think alot of this is due to his being fat, his body is full of toxins.

I have dreams almost every night involving me and a very attractive man who has a blurry face. This man is a hard bodied angelic type. He in no way resembles my husband.

I am also becoming turned off by my husbands personality, and mannerism.
We seem to have less and less in common these days.
We are like roomates instead of husband and wife.
I have considered divorce but I am scared . I have no job,no money, one car and we live 1700 miles away from my family, b/c of him being in the military.
I just don't know what the right thing is to do. He's a good father, he doesn't mistreat me, but I am just repulsed by him. I have been depressed for sooo long. I have to take prozac and xanax just to get through the day. We have a 2 year old daughter and so I'm having to consider how this will affect her. I guess my grounds for divorce would be irreconcilable differences or something.
I just don't know what is write or wrong in this situation.
I have posted some of this before, in my first post, but some of this I can't keep inside anymore. It's starting to affect my physical health. My hair is falling out more than usual, I have no appetite, I am tired all the time, my face is staring to break out, and I always ache everywhere. I think it's stress, and the depression.
I feel trapped.

QUOTE:
I am also becoming turned off by my husbands personality, and mannerism.
We seem to have less and less in common these days.
We are like roomates instead of husband and wife.
I have considered divorce but I am scared . I have no job,no money, one car and we live 1700 miles away from my family, b/c of him being in the military.
I just don't know what the right thing is to do. He's a good father, he doesn't mistreat me, but I am just repulsed by him. I have been depressed for sooo long. I have to take prozac and xanax just to get through the day. We have a 2 year old daughter and so I'm having to consider how this will affect her. I guess my grounds for divorce would be irreconcilable differences or something.
I just don't know what is write or wrong in this situation.
I have posted some of this before, in my first post, but some of this I can't keep inside anymore. It's starting to affect my physical health. My hair is falling out more than usual, I have no appetite, I am tired all the time, my face is staring to break out, and I always ache everywhere. I think it's stress, and the depression.
I feel trapped.

Oh noes, this is not good at all! The way you describe it, the only advice to give is, imo, to leave. Try to muster up the resources now, because the longer it goes on the more it drags you down.

I don't know about the legalities involved, but would it be possible to arrange a trial-separation of some sort and do you have access to legal counsel? It might lessen your worry a bit if you addressed the practicalities of leaving step by step, and to begin with set out to at least inform yourself about the procedure, possible costs involved and the options that are available for you.

Could you move in temporarily with friends or family? If I got it right your husband is still very young, so it's perfectly possible that he could still change his ways but obviously needs something to really shake him up from his lethargy. Perhaps if you really walked out the door (even temporarily) and set the divorce-procedure in motion, it might give him the kick in the rear that he needs?

He can continue to be a good father even if you are separated, and for Pete's sake, the fact that he doesn't actually mistreat you is a very, very far cry from being the right partner for you to share the rest of your life with!

Take care now, and even if it all seems hopeless at the moment, you most certainly will be happy again some day - maybe with your husband, or maybe with somebody else.

When my wife and I had issues while in the military we both spoke to chaplains seperately. Thats their job and it costs nothing. It did wonders for us.

try out the chaplains.

have you considered an affair?

By looking at your picture I think we can all tell you are a good looking girl. Do what you need to do, I don't know what you want out of life beyond "this" situation" but I think you'll find a fellow who will appreciate you and do what needs to be done to meet both your needs. Whether they be emotional or physical.

T.

In one of your other posted you mentioned that your husband is very afraid of loosing you. Does he have any idea how close he's getting to that actually happening?? I'm thinking along the lines of what Mary45 said... he needs a wakeup call. Whether it's an ultimatum, separation, but something he can't miss that will hit home the seriousness of the situation. I mean, you're on the verge of throwing in the towel, and he's playing his video games!! He's either oblivious or just ignoring it and hoping nothing will happen. I think the Chaplin idea is a good one, I've met some really great Chaplin's over the years when I lived near Camp Lejeune.

QUOTE:
have you considered an affair?

The US military can and will prosecute personnel for adultery in some cases.

This may not be an issue for Dandylioness, but it could be an issue for her prospective partner.

My lingerie post was nearly serious. Be extremely direct with him. Tell him what you posted here. Find a way to get some time away (2 days or so) so that he can think about what's more important to him: Food or family.
Let him know the changes start now, no excuses, or you'll be moving on.
Find a job for yourself. Can daughter be put in daycare? Heck, even a parttime job would help. It may provide a window for your future, plus get you out of the house for a while.
Don't do anything rash or sudden.
Stop coddling him. He needs to take responsibility for himself. You need to drop the guilt, and stop letting him give you sob stories (everyone else hates me, please be nice to me, let me eat whatever I want in peace...) It's BS, so that he can have his cake and you too.
He is not going to change over the promise of new KS routines. He is addicted to food. You do not have to e a part of that. I do believe that extremely direct communication is the first step, and that there is no nice way to get it started. There will be sore feelings, and he will be mad. Big deal. you can't let him and food control you in this way!!

Heck, go to the gym. If you get attention, good! he needs to get off his butt, drop the snacks and take advantage of what's around him. If he can't do it in his current environment, he never-ever-ever-ever will.
I'm mad, and you should be as well.
Grrrrr.

Hey Dandylioness, sorry about how you're feeling lately. I think Poolboy is right on about this one. His approach seems to be very reasonable. By keeping the situation the same as it is now, you're only going to keep getting hurt, and your husband won't change, and staying for the sake of the daughter will only make her more miserable because kids know when their parents don't get along. Believe me, just because you have a child with someone doesn't obligate you to stay. Most kids would rather have their parents live apart and each get a chance to be happy than to have 2 parents living together being miserable.

I think getting yourself a job outside the home would be a good idea at this point. It could be a start for you having some cash of your own to save back. Talk with your family if you can about what's going on and how you feel trapped in your situation. Some people may say you're being shallow, but not in the case of someone who's in the military who needs to pass PT tests and keep to a certain weight to keep their job. Maybe they'll offer the emotional support you need.

At this point, do you feel like there's any hope of salvaging your relationship with him? You say you feel like roommates and not like it's a romantic relationship anymore. While your child does indeed come first, you also deserve to be happy and well cared for in a relationship. Your husband may be a nice person, but sometimes nice isn't enough.

I hope you can figure out what to do. I would also talk to a chaplain about it, as they are a good resource and can maybe hook you up with some other resources to help you feel more independent (even stay at home moms need their own independence I say).

You're still pretty young and your child is also very young, so it's easier to figure this out now rather than later.

Chris wrote:

QUOTE:

QUOTE:
have you considered an affair?

The US military can and will prosecute personnel for adultery in some cases.

This may not be an issue for Dandylioness, but it could be an issue for her prospective partner.

uuuuooooo, that's not good. Damn, that's some intrusive shit right there. Though i do see the reasoning behind it because of a male officer or so screwing around, which can make the service/his regiment/battalion/military look bad. Still though even in that scenario i don't think a criminal case would be good.

Go with the job scene. You really need to start talking to the husband.