This thread discusses the Content article: Wimpy Exercise

I've lived with an overweight spouse for 23 years (WOW that sounds like a
long time) I've tried almost everything to get my wife to get down to a healthy size, but she just goes through the motions without success. There are certian eating and lifestyle habits she is unwilling to give up. I keep thinking of this quote I saw on a poster "winners always do what losers simply won't". I can't bring up her weight without her freaking out. So I quietly try to lead by example. I stay actve and always ask if her if she wants to go for a walk. I usually go alone. I really don't know what to do, I guess I have to resign myself to having an overweight spouse.

After 23 years I am guessing you resent the fact you didn't start buggging her about her weight 22 years ago...

Think how sorry you will be in another 23 if you keep letting her go

I hear your pain brother...

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by "leading by example" ... but sometimes you just can't change the other person - they are who they are, and your desire to change them just doesn't rank up there on their priorities list of keeping the status quo.

Have you been in mariatal councelling? Does she realize how bad the problem makes you feel?

I've had the same problem for about nine years. When I met my wife 15 years ago, she weighed 145lbs (5'10&quot - she was geougeous.

Now?!? 250lbs !!!! Not quite Holy Sh|t, but I really can't go anywhere in public without slobbering over other women. In fact it seems like 80% of women of fu[k|ng age I see are now more attractive than my own wife. I mean, at this stage, it goes beyond where I can just use a little liquer and a little fantasy - I just don't look forward to sex any more, even though it still happens once a few times a month.

To her credit, she's had a lot of health problems in the beginning, before the weight gain - but now I think most of her health problems are boiling down TO her weight.

I have several friends with really healthy, svelte wives (friends for whom even that isn't enough, and find themselves cheating whenever possible.) Hearing them talk sometimes makes me feel like a real loser, so I just avoid social situations with people outside of my work.

Bottom line is, if it wasn't for the weight, she would be perfect - for me.
I still love her, but it's really hard to look at your thirty-something wife, and see a 60-something grandma.

I think the one thing that can make a difference is just getting out together - forgetting working long hours to avoid the situation, and facing it head on. Somehow forcing her to walk, hike, bike, swim or whatever WITH you. Make sure she knows that you want her to be with you to do these things.

If none of that works, then it just may boil down to the intelligence factor. She may not have the intelligence to realise her weight gain is - for the most part - her own doing. Nobody makes her eat the fries and sit around watching TV. And when she exercises, she doesn't realise that she can build up resistance to more than just water arobics.

THere is a homeopathic pharmacy IGC, IMG, ITC or something similar - sorry, I can't remember now ... that can evalutate you wife for low thyroid, progesterone, excessive estrogen, etc. Also being heavy can give her many pre-diabetic symptoms. I'd recommend giving them a shot. It seemed to have raised my wifes energy level some, and motivated her to do more about losing - no guarantees though :-)

Good Luck,

Wulf
[img size=701]http://myfatspouse.com/components/com_joomlaboard/uploaded/images/wiffy.JPG[/img]

Hi Wulf,

I've written about my situation at other places on this site. My wife was about 119lbs. when we were first married, she is now over 300lbs.! I've tried everything, including paying for J. Craig, gym memberships, etc. I've used ever form of encouragement I possibly could, including the suggestion that someone counsel either her or us (whatever she wants). She pretends to be willing to start losing weight, but nothing ever happens.

Actually, after all of these years of marriage, I am fed up with the whole situation. I run daily, and lift weights every other day (and have for years). I spent many years in the martial arts as well.

As much as I love her, I am totally exhausted with this situation--totally exhausted!! I, too, no longer look forward to sexual activities, but find my needs overwhelm me at times.

Speaking of wimpy exercise; she has told me that she gets enough exercise going from the house to the car and from the car to her job, where she has made it possible for herself to spend the majority of her time sitting down. Whether we eat at home or at a restaurant, she eats so much food it looks as though two people should be sitting at her plate. When I mention cutting back, she makes me feel horrible by showering me with criticism, or saying, "Well, I'll just never eat again. That'll show you."

Wulf, I understand what's happening to you and to everyone who has contributed to this site. I am so tired of the suffering!

John

Sometimes it's just a matter of intelligence and complaicency I guess. You can lead a horse to water ... yada,yada,yada

I don't kill myself with exerices, and manage to keep my weight steady. I'm a big guy at 6'3 230lbs. I weighed about 205 when her and I met, so I'm no Lance Armstrong, and I don't expect her to be 120lbs either ... but for her to weight more than me is downright humilliating.

Having said that - regardless of what the body nazis say, it can have a lot to do with hormones - particularly if she has any coditions such as polycistic fibrosis. Do you have any kids? Does she still have all her equipment? Womens bodies are so much more complex than ours, so losing weight quick is easier for a fat guy that a fat girl. And that's my wife's problem. She joined curves and went there 5 times per week, did the "advanced" workout, and lost 17lbs within two months. The problem was that she wasn't "seeing it", so she just gave up, and gained the 17lbs right back - not because she eats like a total pig (her normal sisters eat more), but because she doesn't follow her nutrutionist's advice, and starves herself during the day instead of eating small healthy meals. Then at night, she gorges on anything in site - just in time for bed - where everything sticks to her ribs - literally.

As far as s&x, I have gone to prost|tutes a few times and found it enjoyable ... but I didn't like the lack of exclusivity (who knows how many customers were there before me - I'm also not a very good liar, so affairs are out of the question. In my case, I would hate to see what happened to my wife if I left her, but at the same time I'm affraid it's going to kill me trying to make it work.

wulf

I'm not a body nazi but probably the board's closest thing to it.

The point I would like to most make is we have to be careful when we allow excuses to be JUST as good as achieving results.

it is a fact that women have a tougher time losing weight than men, most of this genetic, but alot more than we realize is some gender role ways the two sexes approach exercise and diet.

It is a fact that many drugs, and illnesses also affect our ability to lose weight.

Almost anyone over the age of 30 can find some kind of excuse for why it is tough to lose weight. The point is that many still don't let that beat them.

Fine you have a bad knee, and you just had 2 kids in three years. How fat does that allow you to get? 250 300lbs 400lbs. What I notice is people look to get their fat excuse ticket punched and then sit down and gain 300 lbs.

While others overcome the issues. My wife had 3 kids in 4 years, and was not a 300 pounder but she was pretty chunky after all that. Mind you she was 34 when she had the last one, After the 3rd one though she was down to size 6 in 12 months.

She didn't do it by making excuses, gimmics, or complaining. She really busted her ass, and her diet and exercise program was simple.

"eat less and move more"

if that doesn't work

"eat even less and move even more"

I bet for every fat spouse there is a thin spouse that can find a reason they should get fat too. But, they simply don't allow it to beat them.

Hi Wulf and Chris,

Wulf, I'd like to know more about what it was like to go to a prostitute. I've wondered about that a lot, my friend.

Chris, you are absolutely correct, my friend. I was very heavy and decided that having all of that ugly fat was like having one foot in hell. I cut my food intake, exercised vigorously and constantly, and refused to be defeated. My genetics were against me. I am predisposed to being very fat.

Chris, I would not allow myself to slide into the "incredibly fat club" any longer. I wanted to be very fit, and I achieved that against the odds of genetics.

Chris and Wulf, when my wife and I were first married, we were very fit and would have the most beautiful, loving, and yes, often "rumble-tumble" knock over some lampstands sex. We often did it in front of a roaring fire, (because she really liked that), trying every position we knew until exhaustion set in. Then we would just lay there and talk about our beautiful dreams for the future, and our promise (which she wanted us to make) that we would always remain fit, healthy and deeply in love. After some very deep and heart-felt talking, we would suddenly get the powerful urge, and begin wonderful sexual activity again.

Now, with her being over 300lbs., I can hardly get myself to even think of sex. But, as I've said on this site, my incredible desire eventually overcomes me.

Why, please tell me WHY, the physically fit spouse is constantly and often savagely criticized for wanting to be with an equally fit spouse? WHY? What if the fit spouse were the terribly fat one? What would the other spouse think? I am in so much pain (feeling so abandoned by my wife), and so tired of this situation--SO TIRED!!!

Most humbly,

John

John,

As far as prost|tutes ... I really wish this country would legalise it ... it would potentially solve a lot of our societal ills. That along with pot.

Having said that, it's not for everyone, and don't expect nearly the same level of intimacy you were use to having with your wife. I might do it again, but not without drinking alot first

The girls I saw were all very nice, slender and brown (asian or mexican) - and they worked out of a local asian massage parlor. The problem is that the first time you show up, they suspect you're a cop right up to the point you slip it in ... then all is well, but for the most part, their job is to make you climax as fast as possible. It's usually around $120 for full service of about 45min to 1hour (never any real kinky possiblities with these girls unless you have $$$$$$, but they are artists with their mouths). You might even try to find a fu[k buddy on craigslist.

The police have recently busted my massage place, and closed it down, so i would have to go through the same "test" over again at the next place.

If you want to find a local "spot" look for any asian massage/body wash place in your area. Make sure you let the girl know that you're interested by touching a little thigh, making a joke, etc.

There was a great site on the internet about how to approach the whole situation, but I can't search for it from work.

Bottom line is, it's your call - it doesn't really solve your problem, just kinda puts a feather in your cap when you do see pretty women running around, you can tell yourself "been there, done that, and done it recently" ... if that makes any sense.

But - you risk being thrown in jail (could be a good wake up call to your wife
You also risk being humilliated by an apathetic ho0ker or worse, catching some disease (you can still get crabs, even with a rubb&r)

If you have kids, or even ohn,

As far as prost|tutes ... I really wish this country would legalise it ... it would potentially solve a lot of our societal ills. That along with pot.

Having said that, it's not for everyone, and don't expect nearly the same level of intimacy you were use to having with your wife. I might do it again, but not without drinking alot first

The girls I saw were all very nice, slender and brown (asian or mexican) - and they worked out of a local asian massage parlor. The problem is that the first time you show up, they suspect you're a cop right up to the point you slip it in ... then all is well, but for the most part, their job is to make you climax as fast as possible. It's usually around $120 for full service of about 45min to 1hour (never any real kinky possiblities with these girls unless you have $$$$$$, but they are artists with their mouths). You might even try to find a fu[k buddy on craigslist.

The police have recently busted my massage place, and closed it down, so i would have to go through the same "test" over again at the next place.

If you want to find a local "spot" look for any asian massage/body wash place in your area. Make sure you let the girl know that you're interested by touching a little thigh, making a joke, etc.

There was a great site on the internet about how to approach the whole situation, but I can't search for it from work.

Bottom line is, it's your call - it doesn't really solve your problem, just kinda puts a feather in your cap when you do see pretty women running around, you can tell yourself "been there, done that, and done it recently" ... if that makes any sense.

But - you risk being thrown in jail (could be a good wake up call to your wife
You also risk being humilliated by an apathetic ho0ker or worse, catching some disease (you can still get crabs, even with a rubb&r)

If you have kids, or even if you don't - and you care for your spouse - give it your best shot in working it out. Try following some of the motivational advice here, set a good example, spend time together - if worse comes to worse, I guess you can make an ultimatum - but that's a last straw, and i think with human (female) phsychology being what it is, it almost never works. With my wife for example, I once told her she needed use some mouth wash to hide her sinus issues (actually i said her breath smelled like her dads - she didn't kiss me for months.

The one thing I will always say is - believe it or not, things could be a lot worse. There are people in the world who are empoverished, starving, and disease ridden. They may have ill family members, or have life altering disabilities themselves. They have no way to get out.

On a problem scale of 1 to 10, I'd say our collective problem rates about a 3.

Wulf

Where is that 3 on Maslows scale of self actualization?


I don't want to wander to much into politics, because I want the site to remain as apolitical as possible.

But Amen on that legalization of pot and prostitution, and few other things like this, alot of drugs even stuff like steriods seems to have been a losing proposition in attempting to fight it.

I find it ironic we can stuff our faces with crap from mcdonalds, drink vodka till our brains are fried and livers are ruined, and even smoke tobacco till we die from cancer.

But we are told we can't rent our genitalia out for hire, or smoke some grass.

What is freedom if not to choose to do what we do with our bodies the way we want to, as long as we don't hurt others.

I agree - up to the point where one's lifestyle choice starts to effect others, and burdens the tax system.

Legalized prost|tution would have to be a regulated industry - just like the beauty & hair industries are. Imagion the test questions on the state board exam http://myfatspouse.com/components/com_joomlaboard/emoticons/grin.png

Good examples of this are the NOT wearing of motorcycle helmets and expecting society to pay in case of an accident. Similarly, becoming so obese that you become a burden to society as a result of being disabled (the Rascal epidemic).

Same could be said for drug, alcohol and sexual addictions...

A little self control can go a long way, but no one can tell who in society will become addicted to what - if anything at all.

wulf