Dear All,
My husband told me that he visits here. So I wanted youall to know what type of man he really is. I am a 5'6" woman, of average proportions--I now weigh 150 lbs. I wear a size 8. When he met me, I weighed 140 lbs. and wore a size 10-12. (So, in many ways, I am skinnier now, then then--according to size of clothes). Yes, I admit, that I got down to 112 lbs. (the day of my marriage), but was normally 120 lbs. for about 2 years (one prior to marriage, and then one after). Due to stress: job difficulties, spousal eating, lack of emotional support (and now finding out that I have a thyroid problem), gained weight to 135 lbs. prior to two pregnancies. Yes, I have gained weight over the years--and so has he (he is 15 lbs heavier NOW--because he lost 15 lbs., then when we got married). But I have a belly. I did have a belly, even when I was 112 lbs, too. Regrettfully, my husband uses this site as a way to fuel his frustration that I have a belly and that in his view I am overweight. I don't fault any of you--because I feel obesity is a definite problem. I just hate that for the past 11 years, I have had him tell me that I am "very pretty, inspite of my belly"; been my food police--if I have one piece of cake at a birthday party; reamed me out for having larger portions than what he wanted; insulted when I taught Pilates at the YMCA because it helped me tone my body but didn't remove my "trouble spot"; punished me when I had health problems--broke my foot three times in two years--so I couldn't exercise the way i would have liked; etc.
So in conclusion--please be kind to your spouse--no matter what size they are. Look for the inner beauty--that is always there, knowing that aging is not always kind. Let them know that you love them--even though you may not like their shell. And also think about what you would do if they were wheelchair bound, had suffered from a stroke and lost all feeling on one side....whould you treat them the same way?????? Thank you for listening.

I hope you are losing weight for you too and not just him. It almost sounds like you are a child dealing with an angry dad.

I agree that we all should be supportive of our fat spouses and when you get the chance to read more posts you will see that is the general feeling. Most of us are frustrated while at the same time caring and concerned. We see our spouses preferring an early death and poor quality of life in the meantime and it shakes us to the core. If we didn't care it would be no issue at all.

I hope you hang in there for the right reasons.

First of all you are not a "fat spouse". That may be his perception but it is not based on reality. It seems to me it is more of an excuse for him to bully you than anything else. Chances are excellent that if somehow your little trouble area disappeared he would find something else to criticize you about. Look hard and close at your relationship, maybe seek some counselling because there is more going on here than meets the eye. That's just my perception from the posts I've read.

Best of luck to you.

Is this belly from fat, or one of those child bearing extra skin bellies, if I may be so nosy.

Welcome Sarabellie,

First off you are not fat! You are about 8 inches taller than my spouse and 20 pounds lighter, and my wife has never had any children! At worst I would call what your dealing with as vanity weight. I'm not sure of your build but the weight/height sounds healthy. Feel free to scour the site, but as you'll probably notice what most of us are dealing with is spouses that are so obese that it affects daily life, no walks in the park, no hiking, no cycling, no one that we love to share an active life style with. That is what defines what this site is about, there is an extremely high standard that many media outlets present, that's not what we're looking for. What I wouldn't give to see my wife be able to enjoy a hike up a small mountain to see a desert sunset among the other things that we used to enjoy. Again welcome here, you'll find many friends here that will support your position.

Simmering

Sarabellie wrote:

QUOTE:
...And also think about what you would do if they were wheelchair bound, had suffered from a stroke and lost all feeling on one side....whould you treat them the same way?????? Thank you for listening.

Welcome! I'm sure if you read with an open mind on this site, you'll find that we do just that (unlike all the other self-proclaimed support sites), we listen.

In regards to your wheelchair comment, that is a common misunderstanding. Though such a misfortune can still affect a relationship, this site is all about an issue that is the result mostly of choice. An accident that puts someone in a wheelchair, or natural aging is not a choice. Please don't confuse the two issues. Fat is more like drunk, but more permanent. Intoxication, just like fat, doesn't happen on accident.

Hi Sarabellie!

I have to agree with blue eyes on this one..after reading your posts your husband does sound like a bit of a butt head, I really don't think you have much of a problem at all and it sounds like you have the right attitude towards the whole health and nutrition thing

As for the wheelchair comment too...what if that person was in the wheelchair after suffering a stroke BECAUSE of their crappy lifestyle choices? That through their OWN actions or lack of actions they basically brought the dire health consequences upon themselves? Is it fair to condemn their spouse to a lifetime of misery looking after them because of their selfishness?? This is what I was facing with my husband and ultimately one of the main reasons I decided to leave Just another way to look at it I guess....

Best Wishes

I will be the voice of dissent here. Yes at 5'6" and 150 pounds you are slightly overweight according to some charts. 150 is not an optimal weight for someone of your height. You are eating about 2200 calories per day just to maintain that weight but you have been steadily gaining. That is not your hubby's fault. It is your fault and your fault only. Don't be so cruel as to blame him for your lack of self control.

Your excuses are BS and here is why. There is no reason why you cannot consume 1700 calories a day everyday. That would put you at about 120 pounds if you remain sedentary.

Your husband has a legitimate beef about your weight. you are 30 pound over your optimal weight and you are growing. He deserves better. You owe it to him to look good. I can see why he's pissed. You owe him several apologies IMHO. Quit whining and start behaving like a good wife should!

I have to disagree slightly with marriedtoahog. at 150 pounds you are slightly overweight; however, i've seen some weight charts that would put your ideal weight (depending on your body type) as high as 144 pounds.

That doesn't mean your husband has to be an ass! I think we have to make a distinction between someone needing to lose a few pounds and those with real weight problems. There are those I've read about on this site who have spouses weighing close to 300 pounds. There is definitely a big problem there and the fit spouse should address it or leave the relationship if it comes to that.